


The Way He Is

by anotherfngrl



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Asexuality, F/M, Gen, Gina is a good bro, M/M, Mention of eating disorder, asexual awareness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24314485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherfngrl/pseuds/anotherfngrl
Summary: Charles loves life. He loves people and food and beautiful sights and fun. He thinks this is ideal- he's happy.Or: How Charles Boyle learned to embrace his asexuality through trial, error, and Gina's ego.
Relationships: Charles Boyle & Gina Linetti, Charles Boyle & Jake Peralta, Charles Boyle & Rosa Diaz, Charles Boyle/Genevieve Mirren-Carter, Charles Boyle/Vivian Ludley
Comments: 11
Kudos: 44
Collections: Bite Sized Bits of Fic from 2020





	The Way He Is

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TourmalineQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TourmalineQueen/gifts).



> Okay, the comment fic topic today has hit home hard for me. This was something I really wanted to explore.
> 
> Warning for mention of possible eating disorder in a minor OC.

Charles loves life. He loves people and food and beautiful sights and fun. He thinks this is ideal- he's happy.

In middle school, the other boys discover porn. They show him a magazine after school and his nose wrinkles. The woman is too thin- she looks cold and unhappy. It doesn't even occur to him until another boy points it out that the attraction is meant to be her boobs.

Charles wonders if he's gay. He does research, and concludes based on visual observation that he definitely isn't. He doesn't know what he's missing. Maybe he just has better taste in pornography.

He's positive he's straight when he meets Chloe. She's beautiful, and he lets the other guys pressure him into asking her out. She accepts, and they date for most of junior year. They hold hands walking through the mall and pass notes in English and Charles is over the moon!

He doesn't feel the fireworks he's heard other people talk about when she kisses him, but it makes her happy and he likes having her so close. He likes that it makes _her_ feel good, even if he doesn't get what all of the fuss is about. Maybe his dad is right, and he's a late bloomer.

He asks her to prom, and he thinks he might be more excited about the dance than she is. He wants to talk about matching outfits, and the nice dinner he's saved up for. She wants to talk about the after party. Joey's parents have a rental property that's empty, and that's where everyone's going after prom. Charles agrees, then asks her her favorite flower. He likes Joey- hanging out with him will be fun. Mostly, he's excited to treat the girl he loves to the most romantic night of their lives.

But he doesn't get the chance to hang out after prom. Chloe immediately leads him into a bedroom- other kids are already spread out making out on the couch, or dancing pressed against the wall. He thinks she doesn't want anything to do with the vulgar behavior, and he's glad.

Until she closes the door and asks if he brought the condom. "Of course not!" he yelps, shocked.

"Then how are we supposed to have sex?" Chloe pouts.

"Chloe, I don't want to have sex with you," Charles tells her.

She slaps him. Hard. Then she cries. She's inconsolable, hurt and convinced he thinks she's hideous and disgusting. Nothing he says makes her understand.

She never speaks to him after that night. Her pleasant curves fade away to nothing until she's too thin, and rumors say she spends part of summer vacation at an eating disorder clinic.

Charles doesn't understand why she wanted _that._ He does know that he hurt her badly by not wanting it himself. He never wants to hurt someone he loves, so he learns to make them think he wants it.

Charles never initiates sex, but he never refuses it with someone he cares about again. He doesn't want to hurt them. He sleeps with Eleanor every time she asks, and when she divorces him she gives a million reasons, but the one that sticks is one she whispers late at night, when they try to reconcile and he holds her close, spooning her in bed and not realizing she wants more. Wants him to want more. She tells him he's never made her feel _desired,_ and that she deserves that.

Charles agrees that she deserves everything she wants. So he supports her as she pursues her new husband and rents their basement apartment so they can afford their dream home. And he learns to fake desire, so he never hurts someone like that again.

The first few trials are awkward. He almost seduces Jake after a guy's night once, before Jake realizes what they're doing and announces, confused, "Charles, neither of us are _gay."_

Okay. So. Trial and error. That was an error- he needs to learn how to tell when people are attracted to him.

He tries internet dates, and he's pretty confident he's got a handle on how people act when they're attracted. He also sleeps with two women and makes out with one dude who was not, it turns out, the person he was there to meet, because he doesn't want them to feel rejected. Charles supposes it feels nice, clinically. His body enjoys it. He's not particularly interested in doing it again with any of them.

Just because Charles isn't big on desire doesn't mean his life isn't full of love. He loves Eleanor, and is honestly much happier as her tenant instead of her husband. At work, he loves Jake the most but he also loves Rosa, and Terry, and he loves Gina and Amy, too. He's careful not to show that as much, even though it's platonic, because he knows how Jake feels about her. He's gotten good at spotting signs of desire, even though he's pretty sure Jake hasn't realized yet.

Rosa throws a wrench in everything.

They're hunting a suspect through an abandoned building, the first time he realizes. The guy has found friends, and they shoot as he and Rosa round the corner. He pushes her back, accidentally pinning her to the wall with his body. Her breathing gets harder, and her eyes darken.

So Charles starts making it clear that he wants her. Rosa rebuffs his efforts and he's confused, but she seems to enjoy the attention even if she doesn't actually want to have sex with him. This is ideal- he can show the people he loves how much they mean to him, shower her with affection, and not have to sleep with anyone!

Then he meets Vivian. He thinks Vivian is like him- how can someone who takes so much pleasure in food _need_ sexual pleasure on top of that? Except she does, so he makes sure he shows her he wants her just as much. It's a strain- a crack in an otherwise perfect cheesecake. He's relieved when she decides to move to Canada.

He's always tried to show Gina he thinks she's beautiful when she's down- because she is, and she's so self confident she doesn't usually care what he thinks, but sometimes she needs the boost. She's definitely never been interested in him, though, so he's very surprised when she initiates sex.

Charles doesn't think she wants _him_ any more than he wants anyone, which makes the whole thing odd. But he knows she wants the touch, the friction, so he gives it to her every time she hints she wants it.

She's pulling on her shirt one day when she asks, "You don't want to have sex with me, do you?"

Charles freezes. _Oh, no._ He remembers Chloe. He doesn't want to hurt Gina. "Of course I do. You're so beautiful," he tells her helplessly.

"I _know._ Which is why it's crazy that you've never initiated this, unless I started it. Which is great- sex when I want it, and you're not good enough for me so you _should_ wait for my whims, but it's not normal. Since I'm obviously perfect, I can only assume you're not attracted to women at all," she explains.

Charles has never been so completely seen through. "Uhh, um, I am... I am very..."

"Jake told me about the time you guys almost did it, but you're not attracted to men either, are you? You never pined over him like you did Rosa. Poor, sad puppy," Gina tells him.

Charles blinks. He hadn't known Jake had told anyone about that. "I'm not, um.... _attracted,"_ he admits.

"You're ace? Cool. A guy in one of my dance groups was ace. He could do the lifts without copping a feel, it was great. Why do you do this, then?" Gina asks as she finishes getting dressed.

Charles is still naked in the bed, and he pulls the sheet up to cover his chest, feeling oddly exposed. "I had a girlfriend in high school..." he begins.

"Shocking," Gina says. He frowns at her before continuing.

"I didn't want to sleep with her after prom. It really hurt her. She thought there was something wrong with _her._ I loved her, I just didn't want her. But I never wanted to make someone I love feel like that again," he admits.

"Oh, Charles, you love me? That's so sweet. Also better taste than I gave you credit for," Gina tells him. Her casual, joking response is oddly soothing. Nothing he says has the power to hurt Gina, here. It's freeing.

He explains, "I slept with Eleanor whenever she wanted, but it hurt her that I didn't want, for myself. So I learned to see who wanted me, and I made sure I wanted them too. Or pretended I did. The thing with Jake was a miscalculation."

"Ooh, and Rosa gets all," she grunts and thrusts, "with adrenaline, so you tried to show her you wanted her. I get it!"

Charles nods, relieved to be _understood._

"You don't have to have sex with me to make me feel good, you know," Gina tells him. "I'm amazing. I'm awesome. I don't want to do this unless you're 2,000% into it. I'll still be your way- too- cool- for- you friend."

Charles feels a little teary. "Thanks, Gina."

"Don't mention it. I am a prize. There are plenty of others playing the claw machine, trying to get lucky. Just don't play any more games you don't want to win, okay, Charlie-boy? That's not good for anybody." Gina pats him on the shoulder and walks out the door.

Genevieve is different. It helps that she's in jail when they meet- they _can't_ consummate anything. And he's surprised how jealous he gets, of her ex, but he eventually realizes that's mostly because he's upset that she might actually be guilty. He gets her free, and he tells her the truth.

Genevieve is okay with it. She says sex has become more about manipulation than pleasure for her, thanks to her artist- jerk- ex. She's excited to be wanted for who she _is._ They try to get Charles' sperm so they can have a kid anyway, but they both agree they don't want to make one the usual way.

When the sperm doesn't pan out, he's worried she'll want to try regular conception. He'll do it, because he loves her, but he's enjoyed not having to. Instead, she suggests adoption. She's perfect.

Removed from the pressure to perform, Charles actually enjoys kissing and just touching her, without worrying it has to go somewhere. They have a very fulfilling relationship, and a wonderful son, and at last he's happy.


End file.
